Today's topic is being nice. Sometimes I think we have to remind ourselves that "being nice" is important. The word "nice" may have been overused in various contexts and thus lost some of its force, but it still does have a proper meaning applied to the way we treat others. In some circles perhaps undue emphasis is placed on being nice, at least in the sense that some people seem to think it is all that counts. That is not true, of course. However, I think that even people who make that mistake tend to overemphasize niceness more in the way they talk about it than in the way they actually treat other people. Looking around at the world, it seems to me that few if any people actually are too nice to each other.

Now, it is important to establish first of all a basic idea of what I mean when I talk about "niceness." I mean something that has primarily to do with one's actions in relation to other people. When children are told to be nice, they generally understand that they are being told to treat each other with kindness, not to do mean things to each other, not to insult each other, and so forth. Whether children regularly obey and do these things is another question, but they know that this sort of thing is what is meant by "being nice." I think that definition is essentially the same for adults. Also note that "niceness" generally cannot be acted out in relation to conveniently distant people, even if they need our help. For example, we may be "charitable" or "generous" to poor people whom we will never meet, in donating money or goods to help them, but we usually do not say that we are being nice to people in a scenario like that. Almost by definition, being nice is something that must be done in relation to those with whom we come in some sort of immediate contact, which most often will include family, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, and even complete strangers with whom we have some type of personal contact.

I know that people who boldly proclaim moral truths are sometimes accused either directly or indirectly of not being very nice, because they are not perceived as tolerant. However, the truth is that moral tolerance simply is not connected with being nice to people in reality. In fact, quite the opposite is often true: people who hold to objective moral truth appear to be some of the nicest people. Think about Pope John Paul II and the way he interacted with all the people he met all over the world. He faced many people who criticized him, and countless people obviously did things of which he does not approve, but almost never did you hear about a negative personal confrontation between the Pope and someone he met. On the contrary, the accounts one generally hears from people who had personal encounters with the Pope indicate that he was one of the nicest people in the world to almost everyone he met.

Unfortunately, some people, including some Catholics, apparently feel that John Paul II and others like him are on the wrong track here, and that being nice to people is not particularly important. In fact, some people talk about being nice almost as if it is a temptation. They say things like "Well, I really wanted to be nice about it, but sometimes you just can't do that." Right, we all want so much to be nice, and we are always nice, except when we just do not think it is the right thing to do. Come now, let's be honest: most of us are rarely "tempted" to be nice. There is not some sort of perpetual human battle against an irresistible primal urge to be nice to people. It is not as if we are all walking around constantly wanting to do nice things for everyone we meet. Our lowest (and unfortunately often first) instinct is all too commonly to act with little regard for other people, considering only what we want, what we think, and what is most convenient for us. As a result, many of us more or less tend to treat people we don't like rather badly, and perhaps treat people we like rather well if it is not any trouble to do so (and when they have not done anything to annoy us). So please, let's not pretend that we are seriously tempted to be too nice.

Occasionally one hears some Christians say something to the effect that Jesus perhaps was not especially "nice," and therefore we should not necessarily be nice. Oh really? I wonder where they are getting their information on that. It cannot possibly be coming from the Gospels. As far as can be seen from the Gospels, Jesus almost never actually took aggressive action against another person. The lone exception I can find, which is repeated ad nauseam by people trying to justify doing things that hurt others, is the driving of the money changers out of the Temple. Even that was not an action taken on His own behalf, but out of zeal for the sacredness and integrity of the Temple. Moreover, that is one incident out of all four Gospels. On the other hand, the Gospels record Jesus performing between thirty and forty miracles, and not one of them directly harmed anyone, even though He certainly encountered people whom He could justly have attacked, even in self-defense. Nor are the miracles of Jesus generally mere spectacular wonders. Instead, almost all of Jesus' miracles are aimed at directly helping people, including healing many who were sick, raising people from the dead, calming storms, feeding crowds of thousands, and even changing water into wine for a wedding feast. Remember also that the number of such miracles recorded in the Gospels is presumably only the tip of the iceberg, since John tells us that Jesus did many other signs that are not written down (John 20:25), and it is specifically noted in Mark 6:5 that when Jesus was in Nazareth "he was not able to perform any mighty deed there, apart from curing a few sick people by laying his hands on them." In other words, when Jesus went to a given place and did not do more than a few healings, it was unusual enough that Mark mentioned it in his account of the life of Jesus.

Furthermore, the kindness of Jesus towards others was far from being limited to His miracles, but rather is seen throughout His life. He was nice to people who had no right to it, and to people whom the society around Him expected to be treated badly. He invited sinners and very unpopular people to have dinner with Him, even at the expense of His own reputation as a spiritual leader. He saved an adulteress from receiving the punishment specified by the law, which undoubtedly must have caused some people to murmur that Jesus was "soft" on sin. So, looking at all these things, how many of us can really say that we are nicer to other people than Jesus was? And if we are not as nice too other people as Jesus was, isn't it a little hypocritical to pretend that we need to worry about being "too nice" in our lives?

Of course, I will be the first to admit that Jesus does say many things in the Gospels that some people might classify as "not nice." He talks about hell. He warns people of the consequences that will follow if they reject Him and do not repent of their sins. He calls people to make radical sacrifices for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. He condemns immorality he sees around Him and speaks in vivid terms about the hypocrisy of false religious leaders. In other words, Jesus speaks the truth, and in particular He minces no words in warning people about spiritual dangers that confront them. However, as I noted earlier, I do not think the proclamation of moral and spiritual truths is properly considered as contrary to being nice. Also, while Jesus certainly speaks about some very unpleasant things that may happen to people, He almost never actually does anything unpleasant to other people Himself. Furthermore, even when Jesus speaks negatively to other people, it is always to call them away from a life of sin and into a life of love for God and neighbor. Honestly, when we say negative things to other people, how often are we sincerely calling them to a more moral life and a renewed relationship with God?

Christianity certainly is about a lot more than being nice to other people. Ultimately salvation is a matter of grace, a supernatural reality. Merely being nice to people is not enough. One way or another, we must be united to Jesus Christ through His Church in order to receive the grace of salvation. For Catholics, who have the fullness of Christian truth in the Catholic Church, that means a whole set of things besides being nice, including faithful reception of the sacraments, acceptance of teachings of the Church on faith and morals, and submission to the rightful authority of the Church hierarchy, among other things. However, just because Christianity is about far more than being nice, does not mean that Christianity is not about being nice too. The love of Jesus for us is a self-sacrificial love, a love that brought suffering not on other people but on Himself, a love that does not count the cost, and also a love in which He did many extraordinarily nice things for people on earth, even when sometimes in His human nature He must not have felt like it. The sacraments, the bishops, and even the Pope cannot save us if we insist on ignoring Jesus' call to "love one another as I have loved you," and loving one another involves a lot more being nice to one another then many of us would like to think it does.