The issue of courtship is obviously an important one in Pride and Prejudice, even in discussion among the characters themselves. In particular, Charlotte and Elizabeth at one point discuss the ways in which (and the extent to which) men and women can and should come to know each other before marriage, specifically in the context of the relationship between Jane and Bingley. Charlotte seems to believe that it is probably not generally possible, and if possible may not even be desirable for a man and woman to know each other well before marriage. For her, it seems marriage hardly involves any choice at all. Her decision to marry Mr. Collins indicates that for her there is no serious choice to be made between marrying and not marrying because, from her perspective at least, almost anything would be preferable to remaining unmarried. This may, of course, be seen more as a negative judgment about other societal realities than any commentary on the institution of marriage itself. At the same time, in Charlotte's view the choice to marry or not marry a specific person is also robbed of much of its meaning, for "happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance. If the dispositions of the parties are ever so well known to each other, or ever so similar before-hand, it does not advance their felicity in the least. They always continue to grow sufficiently unlike afterwards to have their share of vexation; and it is better to know as little as possible of the defects of the person with whom you are to pass your life." This seems to be not merely a judgment about society, but a real statement about marriage. Elizabeth dismisses it as "not sound," and assumes that Charlotte agrees, but again Charlotte’s later explanation of her acceptance of Mr. Collins seems to imply that this really is her view: "I am not romantic you know ... I ask only a comfortable home." It is interesting that Charlotte in her ultimate defense of her marriage apparently dismisses non-material considerations as romanticism here.

Lydia may seem to be the polar opposite of Charlotte. In a sense she appears as an unrestrained romantic. While Charlotte appears to pursue marriage without love, Lydia pursues love without marriage. (That is not to say that Lydia does not want marriage, but the point here is that her actions prove that it is not of primary importance for her.) Lydia is portrayed throughout the novel as a shallow person, concerned with pleasure in life and good looks and superficial charm in men, and her relationship with Mr. Wickham appears to be no exception. She really has affection for him, but does not take the necessary time and effort (and perhaps does not have the necessary depth in herself) to find whether there is any firm basis for her affection. Furthermore, she pursues her relationship with Wickham outside of the structure of family and community around her, and without regard for how her actions will affect other people. It is perhaps an oversimplification to see in Lydia a more modern view of love and marriage, and in Charlotte a view which perhaps was more common in the society in which Jane Austen lived. However, conventional thinking in our own time would certainly reject the view of Charlotte, and to some degree modernity ultimately seems to follow the path of Lydia, deemphasizing marriage, encouraging individualism, and focusing almost exclusively on physical attraction and (often related) immediate emotional responses.

Of course, people who have such a view presumably do not mean badly (just as Lydia herself is apparently sincere, however silly she may be). One may rightly be disturbed by the kind of "marriage of convenience" which is exemplified by Charlotte and Mr. Collins, and a society which encourages such marriages, or even pressures men and women into them, may indeed be problematic. However, the alternative of Lydia is also seen as clearly unacceptable in Pride and Prejudice. Indeed, in a way there seem to be certain points of congruence between the view of Charlotte and Lydia on marriage: both seem to focus on certain material realities and exclude a higher view of marriage. This appears to me to accurately reflect the reality that both the modern view of marriage and some more traditional views ultimately fail to embrace a transcendent view of love.

It seems clear that the ultimate position of Austen herself is reflected in the principle given by Jane in her advice to Elizabeth: "Do anything rather than marry without affection." However, love is not reduced to a transitory feeling for Austen, and the emphasis on affection here is not an appeal to individualism or emotionalism. On the contrary, emotion and reason must remain connected with one another in relationships between men and women. One must see this as a question of both/and, not either/or. In considering marriage to a particular person, virtue in the beloved is important. Mutual respect is important. This is not a rejection of love or passion, because an authentic passionate love is grounded in the reality of the other, and through passion for other moves the self of the lover in a movement of gift to the beloved.